I have just spent 4 beautiful days in a group – a new group – with new people.
It activates all my juicy spots: “Can I be accepted, can I become part of this group, what do people think of me, am I too old, too much, too little …?”
You probably recognize some of this? It is so human.
The fragile and woundable experience meeting new people can easily get twice as heavy if we judge that we should be different than simply being alert and sensitive.
It’s like thinking we are similar to fish and should swim fearless and smoothly into new waters without a thought or feeling. It is so illogical and still we tend to think we should be something else than we are.
One evening at dinner, we talked about what we missed back home. I said that one thing I missed was my cucumber plants. And then I added: “What a boring life I have – missing a plant”. Then a friend looked at me and said: “I really do not find that boring – that sounds wonderful to be with plants – I would like more plants in my room”.
My heart melted in this response.
I truly want to take back what I said, and I cannot. This is me too.
Thinking a bit about it afterwards I nearly succeeded in making myself wrong again. I figured out that I was a poor soul making this response into a need for reassurance, or pats on the back.
This is me too.
We will often recreate ourselves in the image we know and feel safe in. And when something else calls, it may feel next to impossible to let go of the known.
It’s possible, I’m sure.
It is so life confirming to see growth – and I can strongly recommend watching a cucumber grow. It is like rapid growth right in front of your eyes. It is like the story “Jack and the Beanstalk” (Danish: Hans og bønnestagen) where the magic beans turn into a ladder growing up above the clouds to a castle with treasures. To me the cucumber is an express ladder to the treasure and beauty of allowing life to flow and grow – as it does by itself.
There have been times in my life, where I did not have the resources to take care of plants. And there have been times in my life when taking care of plants was hard work done with little pleasure. For the time being it is an everyday party!
Why take that away?
We need nourishment and care from the environment surrounding us – like my lovely cucumber plant that spreads its crazy big leaves to all sides and has fingers that twist like long beautiful spirals around everything it encounters.
I have given it some strings to grow along and it looks like it uses them to get longer and stronger in its own way.
I will look for strings like that in life – strings that support me in growing and waking up with good vibes as much as possible.